My Biggest Disappointment... My Only Hope

Hey all.
I know that's a little dramatic. But I've eaten little but sugar and caffeine today, so my brain is feeling a little desperate.
I won't hold you in suspense.
It's the fact that I am totally incompetent, inconsistent, and self involved. Now I know- because you are my friends, that you will try and tell me otherwise. Which is nice. But the dishes & the laundry piled around me and my irritated husband & dirty kid are there to remind me that I suck. Not in any really impressive way either. I'm certainly not material for trash television- I just don't do what I should. I don't care about others to an extent contingent with their true and incredible worth. Or even as much as myself, whom I loathe about half the time. I'd go about ten times farther out of my way to please myself than to please you or anyone else, in general, unless there's some special reason. And then if I DID go out of my way for you, I'd congratulate myself on that heroic act of selflessness early and often. Sometimes I've wound up feeling guilty for not helping someone out mainly because I was so busy praising myself for helping when I hadn't actually done it yet? Pathetic? Yes, but also normal. Boring even.
So why talk about it? It's a little embarrassing, and also boring and normal. Well, because these thoughts have been floating around in my head too long, and they've finally found resolution. Because today is Easter. And I've been brooding over the fact of my failures large and small all through lent and feeling down and guilty. But today I remembered, with no little Divine Intervention, I'm quite sure, that my failures point me to the One who does not fail. Who loves me and will not abandon me even at my ugliest, laziest, boringest. What if I didn't know how much I sucked? What if I never hated my self involvement? These insights are gifts. So long as I don't allow them to twist my view of who I am, of my deepest identity and worth... they are precious gifts, which I would be lost without. Utterly and hopelessly lost.